What She Needs Before She Can Be Sexual With You Again
Want to know what she needs before she can be sexual with you again? Learn what emotional safety means and how as men we struggle with it because we’re such problem solvers, but the good news is that you know how to do this already – you do it with your kids all the time!!
In this episode I talk about how our natural state is one of relaxation and play and how that’s the state we return to when we feel emotionally cared about and safe, I discuss what factors affect the level of safety, what it looks and sounds like to not feel safe emotionally and how to start changing this dynamic in your marriage.
In the video below I explain this in more detail including:
Why creating an environment where she feels safe is so important if you want her to be more playful, flirtatious, enthusiastic, passionate, relaxed and overall more fun.
How a lack of safety, a lack of feeling like a priority to you, a lack of feeling understood and cared for can lead to a lack of high regard coming back towards you (e.g. are you experiencing criticism in your relationship?) and ends in her hiding behind her phone or her cold, disengaged wall of self-protection.
Other articles you may find helpful:
I Can’t Find My Happiness Help!Why You Can’t Stop Worrying About Your Marriage
Humans are naturally evolved to be aware of our surroundings and the way someone communicates with us, as an indication of how safe we are to relax and be loving and affectionate.
Creating a safe environment in your relationship helps improve both the level of connection and the way you communicate with each other, especially around difficult topics like intimacy and sex.
Choosing curiosity and intrigue over judgement and self defense can lead to a better, deeper relationship.
I go into this in more detail in the video below. If you would like some 1-to-1 support on how to move forward with your current life situation, fill out my contact form and I’ll get in touch to arrange a free 60 minute coaching session with you.
Create the Kind of Connection Where She Can Relax With You
If conversations about affection or sex have become tense, defensive or awkward, pushing harder for intimacy is unlikely to create the closeness you want. Start by becoming more curious about her experience, listening without immediately trying to fix it and showing through your behaviour that difficult conversations don’t have to become a fight. When both of you can relax and be more honest together, there is more room for trust, playfulness and intimacy to develop naturally.
Book a free 60-minute callWhat does emotional safety mean in a marriage?
Emotional safety means feeling able to speak honestly, express difficult feelings and be vulnerable without expecting ridicule, punishment or immediate defensiveness. It does not mean avoiding disagreement. It means both people can be themselves while still feeling respected and heard.
Why is emotional safety important for sexual intimacy?
Sexual intimacy involves vulnerability, so ongoing tension, resentment or feeling misunderstood can make it harder to relax into closeness. Feeling respected and emotionally connected may create better conditions for desire and affection. It does not guarantee sex, because desire and consent still belong to each individual.
How can I help my wife feel more emotionally safe with me?
Listen with the intention of understanding rather than immediately solving the problem or defending yourself. Ask questions, stay interested and pay attention to what she is actually telling you. Consistency matters more than saying the perfect thing once.
Why does my wife become defensive or shut down when we talk?
There can be many reasons, including previous arguments, feeling unheard, unresolved hurt or simply becoming overwhelmed during difficult conversations. Rather than assuming what her reaction means, stay curious and ask what is happening for her. Your ability to remain calm can help keep the conversation from becoming another battle.
Should I try to fix my wife’s feelings when she is upset?
Usually, understanding comes before fixing. Men who naturally move into problem-solving can accidentally make their partner feel as though her emotional experience is something that needs to be corrected. Sometimes the more useful response is to listen, acknowledge what she is feeling and stay present.
Will creating emotional safety make my wife want sex again?
There is no formula that guarantees sexual desire. Improving trust, communication and emotional connection can create healthier conditions for intimacy, but your wife still has her own feelings, boundaries and choices. The aim should be a better relationship, not emotional safety as a technique for obtaining sex.
Have questions about your relationship, career or your life?
Book a free, no strings, 60-minute personal coaching call where we’ll talk about what you want, what’s holding you back, and some practical steps you can take today.
