Why Focusing On Connection Leads To More Intimacy

Do you want more connection in your marriage? Want to know how to sense and lead the connection with your wife better?

In this episode Dr Alexis Shepperd and I talk about how we can get better at sensing the quality of connection between you and your partner as well as the ways in which we cut off the connection and how to get better at leading the connection towards a closer, more intimate relationship.

You can find out more about working with Alexis by contacting her for a free consultation call here: https://www.alexisshepperd.com/

In the video below I explain this in more detail including:

Why intimacy in relationships is about accepting how both you and your partner are truly feeling in this moment while also managing your own anxiety and inviting her to join you in connecting in the way that you want to.

How intimacy is not just about being close and “getting” what you want, but instead it’s creating a safe space for both individuals to be fully themselves and then both choosing to be close.

Why intimacy is not a binary state, on or off, instead it’s more of a subtle dance of choices, learning how to sense how the connection between you is alive and always changing and being OK with exploring the dance together.

Why being calm, honest and authentic about how you’re feeling and confident in what you want leads to more intimacy and connection.

Why managing your anxiety healthily around intimacy is so important and how we often use coping mechanisms such as dominating, submitting, or distancing behaviors to avoid feeling that anxiety which dampens the connection and intimacy between you.

Why being honest and authentically you while connecting with her can reduce your anxiety and lead to more trust, more safety, more playfulness and a stronger long-term connection and intimacy in your relationship.

Why understanding and managing your own emotions allows the other person to be responsible for managing their own emotions too which can lead to more intimacy between you.

How to recognize and adjust the dial of anxiety you’re feeling around her so that you can keep the connection between you open and alive with exciting possibilites.

How focusing on building a strong, relaxed and fun connection first always leads to more connection, more intimacy and a more fulfilling relationship.

I go into this in more detail in the video below. If you would like some 1-to-1 support on how to move forward with your current life situation, fill out my contact form and I’ll get in touch to arrange a free 60 minute coaching session with you.

YouTube video

About the author

Hi, I'm Dan. I've been a men’s coach for many years, mentoring and coaching men to get clear on what they want and creating practical and actionable plans to make it happen. I’ve experienced many of the same challenges you're going through right now. I’m here to challenge you and help you understand what's holding you back so that you can step into the confident, successful man you were meant to be.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is my coaching right for you?

My coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. I teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While my coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, I also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. I help you understand what you really want your future to look like and I also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 60-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, I listen a lot, I ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, I help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then I help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

I take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the coaching program work?

You will have either 2 or 4 coaching calls with me per month, continual access to me via messenger or email throughout the process, ongoing assignments and resources to help you stay focused and grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a trusted mentor in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

Why do you only offer 1-to-1 coaching and not group coaching?

I prefer to work with men 1-to-1 because I can really get to know you and unearth the best path forward for you and your current circumstances.

1-to-1 has the benefit over group coaching of creating much faster progress towards what you want to change in your life. You get much more personal time and attention with 1-to-1 coaching and it's adapted to your specific circumstances so provides the specific practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create the future you want.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

I work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. I only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. I teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – I don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t feel like a victim anymore.
  • You won’t experience any judgment or criticism (seems obvious but a lot of the men I speak to have felt this from past therapists or coaches that they have worked with).

I don't waste our time with all those things because I want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So I focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...my coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then my coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then my coaching will help.

I will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. I will get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. I help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

I help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. I help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. I help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys I work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of my coaching for free?