In today’s article I want to talk about attraction and how women feel it when they are around a man who is comfortable in his masculinity and his sense of personal and sexual freedom even when he’s in a committed, monogamous relationship.
In Goodguys2Greatmen, a coaching business I’ve been running with Steve Horsmon over in Colorado for the past 10 years, one of our most popular articles talks about the 50 traits of a happily divorced man.
It may sound strange but the married men I work with love this article because it highlights the healthy masculine attributes many of us have stopped practicing in our marriages.
There is a way of being that you can reach as a man which, when achieved equates to feeling like a FREE man, so I’m going to explain what that means…
A free man is both threatening AND attractive to a woman in a long term relationship. Once a man becomes free, he cannot be trained, he cannot be moulded, he cannot be controlled, he cannot be manipulated into being who she wants him to be.
He is free to decide how he thinks and feels about his current situation and that means he’s also free to choose how he wants to respond to and lead the situation forward.
Other articles you may find helpful:
What You Need to Be a More Confident HusbandDo You Want Your Wife To Want You Again?
You may have seen in books, on TV shows, in movies or maybe even heard your wife or one of your female friends complaining that her man isn’t strong enough, isn’t emotionally secure enough, doesn’t f*ck her hard enough, well enough or frequently enough, isn’t strong or passionate or exciting or masculine enough.
If you’ve heard this or something similar it crushes your confidence.
She says she wants a king, a lover, a warrior, a strong man who is established and mature, yet she also wants a man who is connected to his emotions, can be vulnerable and caring…
This is a confusing part of attraction in marriage for men AND for women…
Interestingly, the very thing that a free man has, is also the very thing that threatens to completely destroy those fairytale “happily ever after” Disney fantasies she (and many of us men) have about love and relationships.
A man who’s masculinity is strong and alive is a free man. Even if he’s in a long term relationship with kids, a career and all the responsibilities that go with family life.
A free man isn’t dependent on her love, he isn’t starving for her attention and validation and he’s not scared when those things are withdrawn.
How do you know whether you’re a free man or a man who’s masculinity needs to be developed?
You will do anything to keep her love and attention on tap.
You tentatively put all your desires and needs aside for hers.
You often agree and say “yes” to her even when you disagree.
Your motivation, direction and drive in life fluctuates depending on her mood.
You ask for her approval before making decisions about things like going out to spend time with friends.
You worry about upsetting her and avoid anything that could be contentious.
A free man’s integrity is more important to him than his need for her approval.
A free man, loves her, but he loves being true to himself more.
A free man says no when he means no and yes when he means yes.
He’s 100 percent committed to living his truth and following his chosen path whether she chooses to walk it with him or not.
A free man is both terrifying and deeply attractive to a woman because her tried and tested hooks no longer work on him – and that makes him MORE trustable.
No longer can she control him with her feminine emotional, sexual super powers and tricks that have worked on every other man.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Create More Emotional Connection & Enjoy More SexWhy Your Wife Needs You To Take The Initiative
We men can grow resentful and frustrated because women understand our weak spots and how to trigger, seduce, overwhelm, entice and frustrate us to get what they want and need.
While it’s true that most women are physically weaker than men, this means that they have had to develop more covert ways to feel in control in their relationships.
Where marriage may have been seen as “ownership” of women in the past, now “you need to make me happy” is the equivalent for many disgruntled wives.
But both sides suffer when one is controlling the other.
None of us are here to be owned, to be put on a leash and given treats when we do good or punished when we do bad.
This isn’t about polyamory or monogamy or what is the right way of being together. It’s about understanding what love really is, learning how to lead your relationship and questioning the bargaining, covert contracts and subtle power agreements that keep us both feeling trapped and unable to express ourselves freely.
It’s difficult to understand how healthy relationships work because the immature, insecure part of us (both men and women) doesn’t want to hear no.
EVER.
We want it all our way ALL THE TIME.
But there is a big sacrifice to pay if you let her insecurities run the show. You will eventually feel emasculated as a man and will watch the death of passion and desire in your woman.
A free man does not get turned on by the little girl part of a woman, just as she doesn’t get wet for the immature little boy part of us.
Yet so often in long term relationships we continually play power games that piss each other off, trigger our insecure reactions and then we wonder why the spark has gone.
The risk for a woman being with a free man is that he may choose not to be with her, but that is also part of the attraction – he’s an adventure.
The most terrifying thing about a free man is also the most beautiful and interesting, because to receive the love of a free man is the most nourishing, awe inspiring, powerful, special experience for a woman.
As a free man, when you choose to spend time with a woman, it’s because you really want to be there with her, not because you fear being apart from her, not because you “should” or because she’ll be upset if you don’t.
It’s an authentic action driven by a true desire and women can smell the difference a mile away.
When a man is fully two feet in and present when with a woman, real connection, real love, real desire and real passion can grow.
You’re not being a watered down, compromised version of yourself that is trying to appease her.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Find Your Life Purpose from Your Painful MarriageHow To Make A Decision That Scares You
The secret that women can’t tell you is that the “already whole” and fully free, masculine man they really want, is the one who won’t always make her happy.
He’s a man who is willing to challenge her, even scare her with his dedication to who he is and what he is here to experience and create – no matter what.
When a man becomes free – he isn’t available to be used as a safety and security blanket by her anymore. He has handed the responsibility for her emotional state back to her.
She must find her own freedom through her unique path to fulfillment, happiness and wholeness as an emotionally mature woman.
Women say they want a man who can embrace and love their wildness, but not being in control of her man is a scary thing for a woman.
Her happiness is not your job – it’s hers – just as your happiness is not her job – it’s yours.
Becoming a free man who is confident in his masculinity is something that is developed. To experience and master it, you must practice it daily.
If you want to learn how to become a man who’s free to create the kind of passion, fulfilment and connection in his life whenever he wants, contact me for a free 60 minute coaching call where we’ll explore what you want and what’s currently holding you back.
