What makes a marriage become sexless is a complex topic, there are many potential factors, in this article we’ll discuss some of the causes and how you can start to take action to change it.
A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage in which sexual activity occurs infrequently or not at all. This can be a challenging and difficult situation for both partners, as sexual intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship.
There are a variety of reasons why a marriage may become sexless, and understanding these reasons is important for addressing and resolving the issues.
One of the main reasons why a marriage may become sexless is due to a lack of emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is a fundamental aspect of any close relationship, and it is essential for the development of sexual intimacy. When emotional intimacy is lacking, you may feel disconnected and unfulfilled in the relationship, which can lead to a decline in sexual activity. This can be caused by poor communication, lack of effort to understand each other’s perspectives, and lack of mutual desire and interest.
Another reason why a marriage may become sexless is due to a lack of physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship, it does not mean just sex but all kinds of physical connection, affection and non-sexual touch which helps to strengthen emotional intimacy.
When physical intimacy is lacking, partners may begin to feel undesirable or sexually unfulfilled and uninspired, which can lead to a decline in sexual desire and sexual activity. This can be caused by a variety of factors such as lack of prioritising affection and non-sexual touch, lack of time, lack of effort, or more serious underlying issues such as sexual dysfunction or infidelity.
A third reason why a marriage may become sexless is due to external stressors such as work issues, financial issues, health problems, or family issues.
These stressors can cause a strain on the relationship and may make it more difficult for partners to have the emotional capacity, enthusiasm and drive to maintain sexual intimacy.
One more reason why a marriage may become sexless is due to a lack of personal growth and fulfillment.
Marriage is a journey of personal and mutual growth, when one partner stops growing and developing, the relationship can become stagnant. When partners feel that they are not growing and developing as a person within this relationship, they may begin to lose interest in their marriage, looking for challenge and growth outside the marriage and so sexual activity decreases.
Additionally, underlying issues such as unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, lack of emotional safety and emotional intimacy contribute to a decline in sexual desire and activity. If you’re feeling emotional distance happening between you, don’t expect sexual intimacy until the emotional disconnection has been addressed with care and honesty about what you’re afraid is happening, what you’re currently thinking, feeling and wanting to change.
Societal and cultural influences can also play a role in a sexless marriage.
Societal and cultural expectations and norms can shape the way people view and approach sexuality and sexual intimacy. For example, societal expectations and norms that prioritize career, financial stability, and child-rearing over sexual intimacy, can lead couples to prioritize other aspects of their lives over sexual activity.
10 Ways Men Can Turn Around A Sexless Marriage
- Communicate openly, honestly and confidently with your wife about your feelings and concerns regarding the lack of sexual intimacy in the marriage.
- Show genuine interest in her current life experience and make an effort to understand her perspective on the lack of sexual intimacy without getting upset or judging how she’s feeling right now (it can change very quickly when you listen to her in this way).
- Show compassion and empathy towards her and be understanding of any underlying issues or challenges she is currently facing.
- Make time to spend with her, prioritize the relationship by setting aside time for emotional intimacy (not sexual intimacy) to build through conversations, and relaxed, fun shared activities.
- Show physical affection towards your partner, prioritise non-sexual affection with no agenda to “get” anything from her. This shows that you are prioritising making an effort to maintain a healthy, connected, physically close, sexual relationship.
- Seek professional help if needed, such as working with a men’s coach, in order to address and resolve any underlying issues that may be affecting your understanding of and ability to lead the emotional and sexual intimacy in your marriage.
- Be willing to make changes in your life such as becoming better at understanding and expressing your emotions, listening with empathy, adopting a healthier lifestyle, building high quality relationships with other initiated men or addressing any health or physical issues that may be impacting your self confidence and your understanding about what you need to work on to improve sexual intimacy in a long term relationship.
- Be open to learning about, trying new things and experimenting with different types of intimacy that are non-sexual (emotional, mental, spiritual) as well as types that are sexual.
- Find out, support and understand her needs, fears, goals, and aspirations for what she wants in life and from your relationship. You also need to get clear on what these things are for yourself so that you can share yourself with her too.
- Be patient and persistent in working on rebuilding sexual intimacy in the marriage. Stay away from judgement and criticism. A woman can only open her heart and body to a man who accepts and loves her exactly as she is in this moment. Even if you don’t say anything critical, she can sense your resentment, so deal with that first before engaging with her – you’ll both thank me for it later.
It’s important to understand that turning around a sexless marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners but whoever is wanting the sexual connection most must be willing to take action and lead the process, calmly, with care, consideration and direction.
Communication and understanding are key aspects in addressing and resolving the issues and rebuilding sexual intimacy.
Additionally, seeking professional help with a men’s coach who is used to resolving this kind of issue and being open to trying new things and experimentation will drastically help and improve your chances of success.
It’s key to remember that it takes time, consistency and determined effort to turn around a sexless marriage and patience and persistence are very important.
Below Are Some Masculine Traits That Create Attraction In Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what masculine traits make wives want to have sex with their husbands, as every woman’s desires and preferences are unique, there are certain masculine attributes that are considered desirable in a partner and which also contribute to a healthy sexual relationship.
- Confidence: Confidence is a desirable trait in a man because it creates safety and trust in his partner. A confident husband is much more courageous and bold in taking the lead in the bedroom which many women desire – especially the thought of a man who wants to take the lead – her mind is the most important sex organ she has, so being confident in yourself even when you’re not having sex can allow her to imagine what it would be like to feel your confidence focused on her pleasure.
- Emotional intelligence: Emotional intelligence is the ability to own, understand and manage your emotions, as well as being able to empathise, understand and be with your partner while she is explaining or experiencing her emotions. A man who is emotionally intelligent is able to understand his wife’s emotional needs and respond to them appropriately, which creates connection, safety and trust – 3 keys to a more passionate and fulfilling sexual relationship.
- Communication skills: Good communication skills are essential in any relationship, and they are particularly important in a romantic, sexual relationship. A man who can communicate openly and honestly with his wife will understand her needs and desires better and be able to meet them as well as being able to express his wants and needs directly and without feeling ashamed or awkward in feeling how he does and wanting what he wants.
- Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others at a deeper level than just cognitively getting it – an empathetic man feels what she’s going through as she expresses herself and without taking it personally, can help her feel seen, heard and cared for without necessarily even saying a word. Again, this means that a man who is empathetic is able to understand his wife’s needs and respond to them appropriately, which is essential for a more connected, sexual relationship.
- Self-awareness: Self-awareness is the ability to understand one’s own thoughts, feelings, and desires. This one should probably be number 1 on this list. A man who is self-aware is better able to understand what he wants, what he’s missing, and essentially why. He is willing and able to share the things that scare him and ask for the things that would make him feel cared for, loved and sexually desired and fulfilled.
- Sense of humor: A man who can make his wife laugh and enjoy herself can create a fun and light-hearted atmosphere in their relationship any time he wants. Sometimes I call this ability “banter” and it incorporates flirting as well as being able to laugh at yourself, laugh at the things life throws at you, not take life too seriously. This is a love language – laughter can instantly remove tension from a situation. It’s also a form of leadership, a man who can choose when he wants to be serious and when he wants to inject some light heartedness into the situation is a powerful leader of the emotional energy in the relationship. This ability can make your wife feel more relaxed and open to sexual activity.
- Physical fitness: A man who takes care of his body and stays in shape is very attractive to his wife. It’s easy to take this trait and place the motivation for taking good care of yourself physically onto the feedback from other people, but this external need for validation will actually take away from your level of attractiveness. Yes, take care of yourself, but identify why YOU want to be healthy and fit, what are you looking forward to being able to achieve with better health? What does being in good shape physically give you in terms of how you think about yourself, your commitment to who you are as a man, leader, lover and role model to your kids? And of course, being physically fit helps you feel more confident in your sexual stamina which your wife will sense and respond to.
- Creativity: A man who is able to be creative and spontaneous in his expression of his sexuality, his feelings and thoughts and his sexual desires makes his wife feel prioritised, desired and excited. Obviously creativity is something you can express in every area of your life, so if being creative with your sexuality in your marriage feels scary right now, start with being more honest and creative in other areas of your life. Creative energy is sexual energy. Don’t be afraid to try new activities, new hobbies, research new business ideas, imagine new places to live, let yourself be inspired and feel the passion of your personal desires. This will eventually lead to you being able to be creative and confident in expressing your thoughts and desires around your sexual preferences such as new positions, new places, and new techniques.
- Emotional support: A man who is able to provide emotional support and understanding to his wife can create a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. This is one of the most powerful traits you can have and continue to cultivate. Emotional connection is required in long-term relationships to keep the passion and spark alive. Too many men believe that physical intimacy is the measure of the marriage, but emotional intimacy and connection are the air that the fire needs to keep burning. When you learn how to listen with presence and feel what your wife is experiencing, you make her feel understood, cared for, loved, trusting of you and more willing to engage in sexual activity with you.
- Respect: A man who is able to show respect and consideration for his wife’s efforts, boundaries, desires and feelings, creates a deeper sense of trust and intimacy. Sometimes I explain this as acceptance of what your wife is expriencing right now in this moment AND high regard towards her – in other words, believing in her good intentions toward you and the relationship even when she’s stressed and pushing you away – she’s doing it to take care of herself while she goes through something, she’s not doing it TO YOU. You can still express concerns, your own boundaries and desires while being respectful. When you can show her respect, you make her feel safe, more trusting and respectful of you and open up the opportunity for genuine sexual tension and intimacy to blossom.
- Love and affection: A man who is able to show his wife love and affection can create a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Many men hold back their love and affection until their wife shows it first. This is the opposite of leadership and comes across as tentative at best and manipulative at worst. If you are a man who loves affection, touch, passion, connection and physical intimacy, then own those things and be that man. Give your gifts of love and affection generously without expectation that they get a thank you or an invitation to have sex. Lead with who you are, who you love to be as a man, husband and lover. Don’t change yourself depending on whether or not someone else is accepting or not accepting of you. It’s key to consistently express verbal and non-verbal love and affection, such as cuddling, kissing, and holding hands.
- Passion: A man who is able to show his wife passion and desire can create a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Passion is not something you can pretend or fake – your wife will see through that easily. You must find your own personal reason for doing anything in your life. What does being passionate about something mean for you, about you, about where you’re headed and what you are committed to having in your life in the future no matter what? Be vocal about your desires, take the initiative, don’t hold back in expressing your innermost inspirations and going after what you truly want. Follow through, be assertive, stand up for what you believe in and what you want. That’s how a passionate man creates the life he really wants.
In conclusion, a sexless marriage is defined as a marriage in which sexual activity occurs infrequently or not at all. There are a variety of reasons why a marriage may become sexless, including lack of emotional and physical intimacy, external stressors, lack of personal growth and fulfillment, underlying health issues, and societal and cultural influences.
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Understanding these reasons is important for addressing and resolving the issues, and for creating a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.
It’s important for both partners to communicate openly and honestly and to actively work on maintaining emotional, physical and sexual intimacy and to prioritize the relationship.
With the right support, it’s amazing how quickly things can turn around in your life.
Few of us had a good, consistent, trustable male role model to show us these things as children; most of us have to figure them out for ourselves from experience or mistakes.
I want to give you a shortcut to finding your own version of strong masculine leadership in all areas of your life.
Are you ready to invest in yourself? Get in touch with me today for a free 60-minute coaching call. You have nothing to lose, and a completely different future to gain.