When Should You Leave Your Unhappy Marriage?

When do you KNOW it is time to leave your unhappy marriage? This is a question that bothers a lot of people. Everyone’s situation is different, but there are some key questions you can ask yourself to figure out if you are ready to leave, end the relationship, or, if you are married, file for divorce.

Not everyone who is married is happy. When things do not go as planned, people feel down and wonder why they got married in the first place.

As soon as you walked down the aisle, in front of witnesses, you promised them that you would love them and be there for them through good and bad times. But as time goes on, you might start to notice things about her that make you question that commitment. 

At this point, it is important to remember that people are not their actions, and that many of us act in strange and unpredictable ways when we are under stress.

Try not to forget that the woman you love and find interesting is still inside her. She may just be going through some deep personal questions that are making her question who she is and what she wants next in life. And that’s fine and very common. 

So, how can you tell the difference between a marriage that is just going through a rough patch and one that has serious problems that will cause it to end? 

Signs of an Unhappy Marriage

Many unhappy marriages are created through years of ignoring or not knowing how to handle moments when you feel unloved, uncared for, and that you are not a priority to her.

This kind of breakdown in feeling loved and cared for is actually very repairable.

What’s much more difficult to repair is a relationship where the lack of care and consideration has reached a point where you constantly think of and treat each other with contempt, spite, bitterness, and meanness.

Below are some signs that you may recognise if you’re living in an unhappy marriage: 

  • You feel constantly criticised and attacked
  • There’s a lack of any physical intimacy
  • You regularly contemplate leaving the relationship
  • You are seeing regular lying and dishonesty 
  • There has been infidelity, especially when it’s unacknowledged or unrepented
  • You’re being hurt by things like out-of-control shouting, throwing things, calling you names, putting you down, giving you the silent treatment, etc. 
  • When you ask to discuss issues with her, she is never willing
  • She gaslights you when you explain your experience
  • She threatens to divorce you or restrict your access to your children 
  • She tries to control your choices, opinions, and behaviour.

Can You Successfully Resolve Your Unhappy Marriage?

leave your unhappy marriage

Every marriage goes through difficult periods. So, what is the difference between a marriage that stays unhappy and eventually ends and one that changes and gets better?

The key is for you to be sure of yourself so that you can stay connected with her while being honest about what you’re going through and not making any assumptions about what she’s going through. It sounds simple, but it’s not. Most people haven’t learned how to understand and talk about their own experiences without blaming and criticising the other person. This makes things hard.

Then resentment builds; you both start to feel unsafe speaking honestly and openly about your concerns, fears, and desires without being attacked or ignored. Maintaining contact with her is critical if you want to feel safe enough to tell her what you require from her to help you feel happy in your marriage again.

So how do you learn how to stay connected and communicate honestly when you don’t feel safe doing so?

You do it first with another man who has been through the same experience you are going through. This practice will help you grow stronger in your ability to know yourself, know what you are struggling with, and know what you want to be different. It will also give you the confidence and communication skills you need to lead the conversation in a way that is proactive, productive, and calm and kind.

Where do you find the kind of men who can help you with this?

Contact me for a free 60-minute coaching call and I will explain how and what to expect from working with a men’s coach or joining a men’s support group.

It sounds scary and uncomfortable, I know, but it’s the opposite of whatever negative experience you may be imagining right now. 

About the author

Hi, I'm Dan. I've been a men’s coach for many years, mentoring and coaching men to get clear on what they want and creating practical and actionable plans to make it happen. I’ve experienced many of the same challenges you're going through right now. I’m here to challenge you and help you understand what's holding you back so that you can step into the confident, successful man you were meant to be.

Leave a comment

Frequently Asked Questions


Is my coaching right for you?

My coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. I teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While my coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, I also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. I help you understand what you really want your future to look like and I also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 60-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, I listen a lot, I ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, I help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then I help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

I take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the coaching program work?

You will have either 2 or 4 coaching calls with me per month, continual access to me via messenger or email throughout the process, ongoing assignments and resources to help you stay focused and grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a trusted mentor in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

Why do you only offer 1-to-1 coaching and not group coaching?

I prefer to work with men 1-to-1 because I can really get to know you and unearth the best path forward for you and your current circumstances.

1-to-1 has the benefit over group coaching of creating much faster progress towards what you want to change in your life. You get much more personal time and attention with 1-to-1 coaching and it's adapted to your specific circumstances so provides the specific practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create the future you want.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

I work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. I only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. I teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – I don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t feel like a victim anymore.
  • You won’t experience any judgment or criticism (seems obvious but a lot of the men I speak to have felt this from past therapists or coaches that they have worked with).

I don't waste our time with all those things because I want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So I focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...my coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then my coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then my coaching will help.

I will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. I will get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. I help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

I help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. I help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. I help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys I work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of my coaching for free?