Why do some men seem to get whatever they want? You can usually trace it directly back to their self-belief and confidence. But when things are not going well in your marriage, of course you don’t feel confident, so how can you be more confident when things are strained?
Confidence is the ability to feel secure in yourself, it’s being willing to take a risk and make a decision, set a direction and be courageous. To take risks and be courageous requires knowing that you are able to deal with the emotions that come up when you consider the possible consequences of your actions.
So how do you become a more confident man with your wife?
Confidence isn’t something you can fake – people (especially wives) see right through that – no confidence is a result of taking action, choosing to move forward towards something you want even though you may be feeling uncomfortable.
Confidence in marriage or long-term relationships is often difficult to maintain because many men let their wife’s opinions dictate how confident they feel.
The Importance of Confidence in Marriage
To have a connected, passionate and loving relationship requires a husband who is confident enough to express what he wants, what he thinks and feels, and who isn’t afraid to call out what he’s uncomfortable with.
Let’s go over some tips here on how you can be more attractive when you don’t feel confident.
How to Be More Attractive When You Don’t Feel Confident
Attraction happens between a husband and wife when you are self-assured. This means that you know who you are, what’s important to you, and that you’re not afraid to take risks to create the kind of relationship you want.
Do you find yourself feeling tentative and insecure around your wife? Do you get frustrated and upset by even the slightest criticism?
Men who feel confident prioritize taking care of themselves. The first step in doing that is to define your core values.
Clear values help you know how you want to respond to any situation you find yourself in. Without it, we tend to base self-confidence on achieving goals or outside opinions. This means that you only feel confident once you reach a goal or when someone is pleased with you.
But what if you want to feel confident all the time?
What values do you live by and why are they important to you?
Essentially, some guys will create a value around confidence which may sound something like this:
- I am a considerate man,
- I am a decisive man,
- I am a man who stands up for what he believes in.
Now ask yourself, what did you feel as you read that list?
It’s the strength of your character that underpins the attraction that women feel towards you. The way you believe in yourself leads the way for her belief, trust, and interest in you.
Do You Have a Positive Outlook on Your Life?
Confident husbands believe they can accomplish what they want to experience and remain optimistic even if they fail. When difficulties arise, the husband knows how to maintain the relationship’s connection to find the right way to resolve the issue together. This is essential for a healthy marriage.
Let’s take it this way — any strong, independent women desire a confident partner. While they don’t need a man to live a happy, fulfilling life, they attract a man with a strong sense of agency, competency, direction, and self-belief. This makes an ideal companion for them to co-create a life that’s more than the one she can create on her own.
What’s missing from most men dealing with lack of confidence and its effect on their marriage is consistency and follow through — which come from a strong sense of self. Not having this results from a breakdown in the trust a woman has in you, which shows up initially as arguing, tension, and then a lack of affection.
What If You’ve Been Called Over Confident or Arrogant?
Sometimes you may receive feedback that the way you’re being is arrogant and uncaring. It’s important to remember that this is just an interpretation of how you’re through one person’s perspective, but don’t dismiss it straight away. Instead, it’s worth reflecting on the feedback and checking whether you have been living up to your values.
What’s the difference between being confident and being arrogant?
- Confidence. The term “confidence” refers to a sense of assurance that stems from an awareness of one’s own strengths or characteristics.
- Arrogance is highly susceptible to exaggerating one’s own worth or importance, especially in an overpowering manner.
So how do you know if you’re being arrogant?
Do you always think that your wife is wrong? That there is nothing that she can show you or teach you? That her opinion is somehow less valuable than yours?
Ultimately arrogance stems from insecurity and a need to be in control and in a position of power over others.
A confident man knows that it’s alright for two people to have different opinions. He acknowledges that it’s healthy to be able to feel differently about a situation and express your different points of view. He fully supports others in finding a path that is right for them.
Get Comfortable with Discomfort
If confidence is a result, then courage is the core value that builds confidence. Courage to make a stand for what you want. Courage to take action towards creating what you want. Courage to make mistakes and learn from them along the way.
We all have moments when we’re not feeling courageous or inspired, negative thoughts and that critical inner voice make us feel insecure and it is common to find ourselves in a rut, not knowing how to move forward.
It might be because you feel comfortable but uninspired with your life now or disconnected from life and with no clear vision or motivation for the future.
People with low self esteem can often struggle to create a healthy relationship, and it’s hard to admit that to yourself, so how confident are you feeling about your life and the relationship?
Do you have a clear vision of where you want to go next?
Or are you ready for more?
Relationships Are the Hardest Place to Be Confident
Why is it so hard to stay confident in a relationship? A few reasons…
1. Your confidence in yourself relies upon how the other person thinks of you
2. Your life meaning, purpose, and fulfilment are dependent on her approval
3. Your sense of self – your character – lacks clarity and conviction
4. You lack trust in yourself to have the courage to make changes in your life
To remain confident in a marriage or long-term relationship, a man must learn how to face discomfort. He must be willing to believe in his vision for the future and have the courage and conviction to take action towards that vision.
Even though confidence can be somewhat natural, most men need to work on it all the time.
The point is that you can build your confidence and learn to be more sure of yourself. No one has all of these qualities without working on them and trying. And you should know that if other men can do it, you can too.
Need help finding more clarity and confidence in your relationship or career? Setup a free call with me here.